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Post by ocelot on Apr 30, 2006 23:31:35 GMT -5
I've been going through a really tough time lately and have written really deep and depressing songs about it. The thing that's so great about it is that I'm realising that through these tough times how God is shaping me to be who He wants me to be and teaching me that I need Him. I have always had a sense of rebellion about myself, trying to do everything on my own. He is teaching me to rely on Him and other people around me. At the same time as I'm going through all these tough times He has given me so much creativity and comfort. Now I'm seeing these tough times as not only a sign but also an education from Him on how He wants me to cope. He wants me to lean on Him. I'm still struggling with it all because for so long I've keep everything inside myself not daring to trust anyone. And He's just breaking down those walls (which have also gotten in the way of me getting jobs and staying in relationships). I know He's building me up to something I just don't know what He's going to do with me yet.
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Post by achebeautiful on May 1, 2006 16:45:38 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time, Leona.
Your words are very beautiful. God is doing an awesome work in you.
In your last line you write:
"I know He's building me up to something I just don't know what He's going to do with me yet."
All I can say about that, Leona, is that is the part that takes what Brennan Manning calls "Ruthless Trust." And know this too. While He is surely building you into something that won't be fully manifested until later, He is also most certainly using you RIGHT NOW for His purposes. You are a such a blessing!
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Post by ocelot on May 1, 2006 18:53:15 GMT -5
Thanks Mark. It's always good to write about it and come on here because you are always encouraging and I can tell that you care. This board has been such a blessings especially recently.
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Post by achebeautiful on May 2, 2006 16:24:22 GMT -5
I've been thinking about the most recent song entries and comments that you posted Leona. On the thought once again of your statement:
" I know He's building me up to something I just don't know what He's going to do with me yet. "
I stumbled across this sentence that was taped to someone's computer at work:
"Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?"
I guess it really hit me at that moment that that is exactly what we try so hard to do with God's grace. If only we could capture it, somehow put it in a box, then perhaps we could somehow manage it quite nicely, thank you. There's a world of difference between religion and a relationship with God. It's the difference between death and life! God is alive! And the adventure of a lifetime is to have the very Breath of God breathing in you! The uncertainty is what requires faith....and a trust in the One who can be trusted.
Anything else, and it wouldn't be faith and trust at all. It would be an ability to expect the unexpected.
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Post by ocelot on May 2, 2006 16:54:47 GMT -5
I love what you just said. It's only in a relationship with God where that faith and trust can be so great and yet it's still unexpected even when we expect it. Because in the uncertainity we never know what God's use is going to be and what He's going to surprise us with next. He loves us so much that He wants to keep blessing us with surprises that blow us away, even when we expect Him to do amazing things He's going to find a way to do even more amzing things in our lives than we expect. I love the mystery of finding out what He's going to do with each thing He blesses me with and the trials that He puts me through, and seeing those little miracles that He puts in my life everyday.
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